Andriana and Gecko - Drinkin' Beer and Eatin' Fries

Gecko and I wanted to fit in rightly at the Friday night festival in downtown Asheville. Since we're not the type to roll a big spliff, slap on some Patchouli and spin in circles of seemingly audible ecstasy in front of the live band, we decided to meld into the crowd by drinkin' us some beer and eatin' us some fries instead.

But the fun did not stop there. "What should we do next?" someone from our group asked.

"Let's go meet our friends at the Yacht Club."

Okay, I thought, that's a reasonable response.

Then I tried one, "Hey, let's duck into a nice wine bar in town. You know, since we're here."

I already had myself kicked back on a swanky sofa listening to ambient music, sipping a nice cool glass of Cabernet Sauvignon or Pinot Grigio, the prefect compliment to festival beer and fries.

"Hey! Let's go to the Kava bar!" an unidentified member of our party shouted.

"The Kava bar? What the hell is a Kava bar? You mean Kava like the natural sedative Kava?" I asked.

"Yeah, that Kava. They just opened a whole bar for it. They were accused of spiking drinks with LSD, but they found out it wasn't true, it was just the Kava," answered the unidentified enthusiast.

Walking in though, I wasn't entirely sure about that. I immediately felt like someone had slipped me a tab or two and I hadn't even had a sip of the hippie valium yet. The bar, with it's 1980's Floridian rattan furniture, made me feel as though I was on vacation with the Brady's in Hawaii, after Bobby finds the bad luck tiki and after Greg's terrible surfing accident. Ominously, I wasn't quite sure if a bunch of overweight, shirtless men in grass skirts were waiting behind the fake canoe to throw me into a fire pit or if the mythical Mel and Fran, up from West Palm Beach, were ready to garb me up in a velour jogging suit and rope me into a swinging game of bingo.

If Kava gave off an LSD effect, then the guy working the bar was proof of the connection.

"Heeeelllloooooooo!" he greeted us.

I was gripping the plastic cup of Merlot I smuggled in with dear life, convinced now that it would take nothing less than a naked Denzel Washington gyrating on a stripper's pole to get me to try Kava.

"Heeeellllloooooooooo and welcome to the Kava Bar! What can I get you?"

"Um, nothing thanks. I'm all good."

I did not want to end up like this man behind the bar.

"That is what I used to think, but then I like tried Kava and my whole universe like totally changed. I used to never sleep and had like the worst nightmares, but then Kava totally made me have these totally great dreams. Like this one the other night. Whoa my god, it was sooo cool. I was being chased by like the whole cast of Star War's and then I totally found this like light saber of special powers on the ground. It was sooo cool."

I might have been tempted by the sales pitch if I was an insomniac, someone who enjoyed a vivid imagination or a Star War's fan, but being none of those, I just sank back into the rattan sofa, wine in hand, and patiently waited for Jan, Marsha and Cindy to come and join me.