Trouble in Trailer-dise...Part 3

Shayna Gets the Surprise of a Lifetime!

Shayna was confused and embarrassed as she hobbled off to the store to rent the romantic comedy Hank had requested. Did he really think Meryl Strip was pretty or was he more interested in, say, the hunky blond co-star who played her son? Shayna couldn’t be sure, but the questions were making her uncomfortable, so she did what most people do: she brushed them under the carpet and went about her day. She was afraid to entertain anymore suspicions for fear of “falling down another steep hill in her platforms.”

Shayna had naïvely thought that a few hours apart might help to restore things to the way they were. She encouraged her friend, who had driven her, to keep checking off a long list of errands and when it came time to pick out the movie, Shayna wandered up and down the aisles as if she didn’t know what she was looking for, just to stall for a little more time apart from Hank. The sun was getting low as they headed back to the farm. “What are y’all up ta tonight?”
“I think Hank’s plannin’ somethin’ romantic because he wanted me to get this here romantic comedy. You know Hank, a real knight in shinin’ armor. I think he might be fixin’ some grillin’. Maybe gone out to them flower fields to pick me a boo-kay.”
“You one lucky lady Shayna. My man ain’t gotten me a boo-kay since our weddin’!”

The path was uneven down to the trailer and Shayna was limping along when she heard what sounded like Britney Spears Hit Me Baby One More Time blasting from the Airstream. As she rounded the corner and opened the door, it was clear that Shayna could no longer pretend. Not to her family, not to her friends, not to the nurses or doctors, not even to herself.

“Good heavens Hank! That’s my goddamn nightie! Just what in the name of the devil do you think you’r doin’ in that?”
This time Hank didn’t even try to run into the bathroom and quickly change like he had so many times before. Times when he had gotten lost in the moment and miscalculated Shayna’s return. No, he just kept right on as before; the façade of Hank and Shayna finally blown out like A Candle In the Wind.

“Woohoooheeee! You can’t catch me! Wooohooooheeeee! I am FREE!” he yelled at her, with a wild look in his eyes that, in all their years together, she had never seen.
“Yuuuuuhooooo! Daisy’s wearin’ a hat Mama! Daisy like them dresses! Daisy’s a guuuuud girl Mama!”
And then he dashed out of the trailer and into the fading sun. Stupefied, Shayna staggered out after him. She had never in all her life…
The show continued as Hank, now not afraid of being who he truly was, danced around the farm in the white nightie that Shayna had bought for $7.99 on the discount rack at the local Wallmart. Like a Jack released from the confines of his wooden, or in this case aluminum box, Hank giddily bounced from tree to tree, stopping every so often to pose in front of the hot flashes and curious lenses of an imagined paparrazzi. He twirled and swirled around like the ballerina he had always envisioned himself to be, and then, in a moment of mammary madness, picked up the two white fire pit shells Shayna had brought home from the salvage yard and raised them to his chest.


Hank pranced up the trail to the chicken coup and, once again, picked up his favorite, Shaniqua, and set her loose on his wife, his Shayna. Weak from the trauma of her recent physical and emotional injuries, she crumbled to the ground almost instantly. “Wooohoooheeee! You ain’t gonna be the death of me! That’s the end of you Shayna! No more Hank do this and Hank do that! No more Hank have you seen my high heels! Weeeeheee! I have seen your heels lil’ ladee….they on my damn feet!”
Before Shayna could even roll onto her side to try and flee, Hank dashed into the coup, grabbed the chicken feed and started dousing her in dried corn kernels. Like a flame to gasoline, the feathered flock followed the trail and found their gimpy prey begging for mercy. “Goddamn you Hank! Wait til’ my mama hears about this! Get these dang birds off of me Hank!”




With only a crutch left, there was little that remained of Shayna. Hank pivoted, kissed his little Shaniqua for a job well done and headed back to the Airstream.

On his way home from the auto body shop, the handsome neighbor that Hank liked to visit on hot days could have sworn that he saw a shadowy figure next to the road, hiding in the woods, limping along. It couldn’t possibly be Shayna he thought. It just couldn’t be.

Tune in this week to see if Shayna survived!